Ghosts of the past
by icpemt
Summary: An extended ending to the episode "Succession". Gabrielle talks to Xena about feeling treated like a child and receives a surprising explanation.


Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

**Ghosts of the past**

When Xena and I come tumbling out of the worm hole through which Ares transported us into his bizarre arena, we immediately scramble up and towards each other, glad to be back together and relatively unharmed.

"Are you ok, Gabrielle?" Xena asks in a concerned voice as we look each other up and down.

Before I can respond, she sees that my shoulder has been cut and is bleeding.

"Your shoulder. Let me take a look at that", she says and grabs my hand to lead me over to the nearby fountain.

"Xena, it's ok. I'm fine", I try to protest but my soul mate does not to hear me.

Instead she makes me sit on the edge of the fountain, fills a bowl with cold water and begins cleaning my wound, muttering, "We have to get this cleaned so you don't get an infection."

Grateful for her care but also frustrated by being ignored, I let her continue for a little while. "Xena! Stop this!" I yell finally, although I really don't want to shout at my soul mate. But in order to get her out of her frenzy over my bleeding shoulder I have no other choice.

"What?!" Xena's head jerks up and for some moments we glare at each other, frustrated with the other's behavior.

As I look into my friend's eyes, my gaze softens, "Xena", I say more softly, grasping her hand which is still resting on my shoulder. "Please! You have to stop treating me like a child!"

"But Gabrielle, I...", Xena begins confusedly, taking her hand off my shoulder and looking hurt.

Still, I force myself to press on and say what I've been feeling I needed to say for a long time.

"Xena, I'm not the little girl who followed you from Potidaea all those years ago!"

My friend takes a step back and looks into my pleading eyes. Then her expression turns from confused to pained and she hangs her head. Of all the reactions, I did not expect this - my proud and sometimes stubborn warrior friend crushed by a statement - MY statement. Suddenly, as Xena turns and walks away from me, I feel a terrible pang of guilt for what I said.

"Xena wait. Please, I'm sorry, I..." I follow my soul mate to where she has sat down on a fallen column.

"Listen, Xena...", I begin but suddenly, there is a flash of light and Ares appears.

"Well? What did I tell you?" he asks smugly, addressing me. "Xena doesn't see you as her equal. You are still her little sidekick who needs taking care of and protection. Apparently, she doesn't even trust you to be able to treat your wound correctly."

"Oh, shut up, Ares!" I bark, turning my back on him.

But the god of war proceeds, "Remember what I offered you. I would treat you the way you deserve and give you the recognition you have earned. And I could help you develop as a warrior."

He pauses and looks at Xena who has been sitting quietly, staring at Ares. To my great surprise, I see her frown at him with a thoughtful expression on her face.

Turning back to me, he adds, "Think about it", and disappears in another flash of light.

For a moment I stand unable to think straight or do or say anything. Only when I hear Xena move and turn to look at her, I recover my voice. My soul mate is sitting with her face buried in her hands. Feeling horribly guilty I sit down beside her and place my hand on her knee.

"Xena, ... please let me explain", I begin again.

But she looks up at me and takes my hand, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"No, Gabrielle. You're right. … Ares is right. … I'm sorry", Xena whispers in a constricted voice, not looking at me anymore but staring into the distance.

Seeing her like this makes me feel like a terrible person and I try to reassure her.

"Gods, Xena, I... No! Ares is wrong! I would never listen to him! You know that, right? He's just a manipulating rat and …"

But Xena lets go of my hand, turns to me and I break off.

"Gabrielle", she begins, her hands grasping mine tightly. "You don't have to explain anything. … I haven't been treating you the way you deserve for much too long and I'm so sorry about that, my friend."

Xena's voice trails off and she traces her fingers along my arms and grasps my hands again. "You are a warrior now and can look out for yourself", she whispers.

Then Xena's eyes wander to the sais fixed to my boots and she heaves a deep sigh, "And sometimes that scares me", my friend finishes quietly, still looking down at my boots.

Perplexed I need a few moments to recover my voice.

"It scares you that I can look out for myself?" I ask confusedly. "All I ever wanted, ever since I met you, was to learn how to take care of myself. And now that I can do precisely that it scares you? I thought you'd be glad about it because it would mean that you didn't have to protect me all the time anymore" I blurt out, not understanding what my friend is trying to say.

Before I can go on, Xena says, "No, Gabrielle. I'm very glad that you can look out for yourself and I'm so proud of you but..." Her voice trails off.

"But what, Xena?" I prompt her, squeezing her hand.

She intertwines her fingers with mine, "But what scares me is that your life with me has turned you into a warrior when all you ever wanted to be was a bard. Being with me has caused you so much pain and suffering that can never be undone."

Xena's eyes are filled with tears again and they glisten as they roll down her cheeks.

I open my mouth to speak but Xena presses on, "I turned you away from your true path and forced you to walk my path - the way of the warrior - a life that was never meant for you. … I'm so deeply sorry for that, Gabrielle!"

Speechless I gape at my soul mate. "Xena", I breathe, squeezing her fingers and reaching up to brush away a tear.

"Is that why you've been so protective ever since Eli brought us back from the dead? Because you think that being with you has harmed me?"

"Yes, Gabrielle. And because I can never undo all the hurt this life has caused you, I have to do everything to protect you from more pain", Xena explains in a soft voice. "Can you understand that?" she asks.

My heart breaks at the thought that she has been carrying that guilt inside of her all this time.

"I do understand", I whisper and start crying.

Xena, a little surprised by my reaction, hugs me tightly. After some time I recover and draw away from my friend.

"Xena, you should have told me how you felt, then I ..."

"Gabrielle, I could never have told you that!" Xena protests. "I could never have ..."

"Xena, listen", I break in, "I wanted to say that if you'd told me, I could have told you that I have never regretted my decision to live with you – not for one second ever since I met you!"

Xena looks into my eyes, her own also filled with tears and a regret so deep that it makes my heart hurt.

"And I could have told you that I feel the same way! I also want to do everything to protect you from more pain!" I finish in a pleading voice.

Xena's eyes become wide, "What?" she gasps. "How can you say this, Gabrielle? … It was ME who took you into the middle of a war zone where you almost died. I took you to Britannia and, after failing to protect you, you lost your innocence. Then I tried to force you to kill your own child and when you couldn't, I was furious. Despite all that you saved me by pulling Hope into that lava pit with you! And it was ME who let you come to Rome with me, knowing that you might be crucified with me", Xena says in a choked voice, her hands trembling in mine.

"All these things happened because you were with me!" Xena sobs and cups my face in her hands. "And I'm so endlessly sorry!"

Gently I cover her hands with mine and plead, "Xena, please, stop this! You are NOT responsible for any of these things! Please, stop tormenting yourself!"

Xena lets her hands fall and pulls mine with her.

She gives me a sad smile and sighs, "Gabrielle, how can I do that? You have only ever done me good. You've turned my life around. You saved me and in return I've pulled you away from safety, happiness and your path."

"Maybe I have changed your life for the better ... but so have you for me, Xena. I stand by what I said in that Roman prison cell. You saw me for who I was! You've brought out the best in me!" I say in a determined whisper.

"Oh, Gabrielle…"

"No, listen to me, Xena", I interrupt. "I've also caused you incredible and irrevocable pain."

I look straight into Xena's eyes, "It was MY fault Solan died, I betrayed you when you went to Chin, you were almost beaten to death when we went after Gurkhan. And we were crucified in Rome because I got captured and didn't defend myself and you had to come and save me and..."

Xena puts her finger on my lips to silence me. "Gabrielle, stop! This is all true but ... but all that ever really mattered to me was that we would overcome our past and be together despite all these things!"

Moved by her words, I smile, "Yeah, I feel the same way, Xena! All that I ever wanted was to be with you no matter our past", I say, squeezing my friend's hands and looking deep into her eyes.

Xena looks back at me and, after a moment, also smiles, "I guess we've both caused each other pain and joy but the most important thing is that we are together."

We both lean forward and hug tightly. At that moment an enormous weight is lifted off my shoulders.

When we pull away I say, "Xena, promise me you'll never worry about taking me away from my path again."

My soul mate looks at me wearily, "Gabrielle, how can I? You…"

Before she can continue, I say, "Shhh".

Xena closes her mouth and looks at me expectantly.

I look straight at her and take her hands once again, "The day we met our paths became intertwined, Xena. Ever since then it hasn't been my path or your path – but our path."

Xena gazes at me with tears in her eyes, "Yes, our path."


End file.
